You should be prepared for the codependent partner to lash out in anger, frustration and hurt. By removing yourself from the situation, you can isolate your exposure to the codependent. If issues such as harassment or stalking become a problem, it may be best to call the authorities and possible consult a counselor for assistance.
When you initiate a breakup with a codependent person, it is important set boundaries. Codependents are notorious for attempting to manipulate the other partner, says licensed professional counselor Chris Lewis in his article "Okay, Okay So I'm Codependent Already!
Now Fix It! When you break up with your codependent partner, set up boundaries for limiting or stopping all contact. The clearer you are with your expectations, the less is left up to the interpretation of the codependent. While a codependent person has many issues with control, low self-esteem and hyper-critical behavior, something attracted you to this person in the first place.
In order to break off your codependent relationship, it can be helpful to strengthen your own self-esteem and emotional health in order to remain strong during the time, recommends Ph. You may need to seek personal counseling in order to deal with your emotions and the codependent partner's actions during the breakup. Jaime Vargas-Benitez has been a parenting writer since She has worked in the child wellness field in various roles for over 20 years.
Along with the experiences of raising her own kids, she has been privileged enough to participate in the raising of hundreds of other children as well. By: Jaime Vargas-Benitez. Stand Firm Once you decide to break up with a codependent person, it is important you stand your ground. Or perhaps, youve thought something similar and convinced yourself that you can and should help someone at any cost. This kind of codependent thinking is both extremely unrealistic and destructive.
Shame , the belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, and guilt, the belief that youve done something wrong, also keep codependents from ending dysfunctional relationships and forming healthy ones. Many codependents grew up in families where outward appearances were extremely important. Family problems had to be kept secret, so it appeared the family was well functioning, respectable, successful, etc.
Even within the family, there is often a code of silence, a denial of just how bad things have gotten. You may find that youre repeating these patterns in adulthood. Its difficult to admit to your friends that youre being abused or your spouse got another DUI or you drained your bank account to bail him out of jail again.
This is how shame keeps us isolated. It convinces us that we caused these problems, that we deserve them, and that our inability to solve them is proof of our inadequacy. In order to free yourself from codependency, you have to heal your shame and stop listening to its faulty beliefs. You didnt cause your husband to hit you just like you didnt cause your mothers alcoholism. These are convenient excuses that others want you to believe so youll continue to feel responsible for fixing their problems.
Shame is tough to overcome. It takes a lot of courage to admit that youre struggling. But a good therapist can help you sort out what youre responsible for and what youre not. As you recognize the factors that make changing your codependent thoughts and behaviors difficult, you can create a roadmap for recovery a list of areas that you can work on. It might include some of the following:. Change is a process. No one can make all of the changes listed above in a short time. And no one does it alone.
We need to learn from each other and support each other. The resources below can help you get started. All rights reserved. Photo by Giang Vu on Unsplash. Codependent relationships exist between friends, siblings, parents and children, romantic partners, and more. But there are ways to manage it and…. Masturbation can be a stress reliever, exercise in body awareness, and workshop to know what to ask for with your partner.
It will only get worse. Your kids are suffering as are you. Take your kids n fight her for custody by getting a psychological evaluation after you get Child Protective Services involved. Start Over after divorce. God Bless. Now, this is something amazing. Thank you! Sometimes, we can be in a relationship for so long we stop seeing how unhealthy it really is until someone points it out. And even then, we try to make excuses. But deep down we find ourselves struggling with that sinking feeling: How did I end up here?
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